Thinking about bringing a sex toy into your relationship but not sure how to bring it up? You are not alone. Across South Africa, more couples are exploring adult toys together than ever before — and the conversation is getting easier. The key is knowing how to approach it: with honesty, a sense of humour, and zero pressure.
This guide walks you through exactly how to introduce sex toys into a relationship, from starting the conversation to picking your first toy together. Whether you are completely new to this or have been curious for a while, you will find practical advice here that actually works.
Why Couples Are Turning to Sex Toys Together
Sex toys are no longer just a solo activity. Sex therapists consistently point to one surprising benefit: couples who use toys together tend to communicate better in the bedroom — and outside of it.
The reason is simple. Introducing a toy creates a natural opportunity to talk openly about what each of you enjoys. That conversation alone can deepen intimacy in ways that go far beyond the bedroom.
There is also a practical angle worth knowing. A large percentage of women do not reach orgasm through penetration alone. Clitoral stimulation plays a major role, and the right toy can close that gap in a way that feels collaborative and fun rather than clinical.
For men, sex toys are increasingly part of shared experiences too. Penis rings, couples vibrators, and remote-controlled toys are all designed to be used together — not instead of your partner.
The shift happening in SA bedrooms is not just about novelty. It is about couples choosing to invest in their sex lives with the same intention they bring to every other part of their relationship.
How to Start the Conversation With Your Partner
This is where most people get stuck — not because the idea is wrong, but because they do not know how to raise it without it feeling like a critique of what they already have.
Here is a simple truth: the way you raise the topic matters more than the topic itself.
Lead with curiosity, not criticism. Instead of "I want to try something different," try "I read something interesting about couples toys — what do you think?" This framing positions it as an exploration you are both embarking on, not a problem you are trying to fix.
Pick the right moment. Do not bring it up mid-argument, right before bed when one of you is exhausted, or as an afterthought. A relaxed, low-pressure moment works best. Some couples find it easier to browse the couples section or a couples gift box online together, which takes the pressure off the conversation entirely.
Expect some hesitation. If your partner needs time to think, that is completely normal. Do not push. Give them space, come back to it later, and keep the tone light.
Address the insecurity directly. A common worry — especially for men — is that introducing a toy implies they are not enough. Be clear: this is about adding to what you already have, not replacing anything. Frame it as something you want to experience together.
The first conversation rarely needs to end in a decision. The goal is simply to open the door.
Choosing Your First Toy Together
Once you are both on board, the next step is picking a toy. And here, less is more.
Start simple. A first couples toy does not need to be complex, expensive, or intimidating. The goal is a positive first experience that makes you both want to come back for more.
Bullet vibrator — Compact, quiet, and versatile. Works for external stimulation and can easily be incorporated into foreplay or sex. Great for couples who want to experiment without committing to something large or unfamiliar.
Couples vibrator — Designed to be worn during intercourse, stimulating both partners simultaneously. The couples vibrators in this category are popular for good reason — both partners feel the benefit at the same time.
Remote or app-controlled vibrator — Lets one partner take control, which adds a playful dynamic to the experience. A favourite among couples who enjoy a bit of fun and spontaneity.
Lubricant — Often overlooked, but a quality lubricant is one of the most accessible and least intimidating ways to start enhancing your sex life together. Sex educators frequently recommend it as the ideal first step for hesitant couples.
When browsing, look for toys made from body-safe materials: medical-grade silicone, ABS plastic, or stainless steel. Avoid jelly rubber or PVC, which can contain harmful chemicals.
Making It a Great Experience (Not Just a One-Time Experiment)
Buying the toy is the easy part. Making it a genuinely good experience for both of you takes a little more intentionality.
Set the scene. The environment matters. If you are both relaxed and not distracted, the experience is far more likely to go well. Put your phones away, create a bit of space, and treat it like you would any other intentional moment together.
Start slow. Do not feel like you need to use every function in the first session. Get familiar with the toy, figure out what feels good, and let the experience unfold naturally.
Talk during it. This is where the real benefits kick in. Simple feedback like "that feels good" or "can you move it a bit lower" normalises talking about pleasure in real time — and that habit pays dividends well beyond toy play.
Debrief afterwards. A quick "that was fun, what did you enjoy?" keeps the dialogue open and makes the next experience even better.
Do not stress if it is a bit awkward at first. It almost always is. Fumbling with settings, unexpected giggling, or realising something is not quite right are all completely normal. Approach it with a sense of humour and it will be fine.
Over time, incorporating toys into your relationship can become as natural as any other part of your intimacy. Couples who stick with it often say the real benefit is not the toy itself — it is the ongoing conversations and connection it creates.
Frequently Asked Questions
Will my partner feel insecure or replaced if I suggest a sex toy?
This is one of the most common concerns. The key is how you frame the suggestion. Make it clear that this is about enhancing what you already share, not filling a gap or replacing your partner. Focus on your curiosity and excitement about exploring something new together. Most partners respond well when they feel included in the process from the start.
What is the best first sex toy for couples in South Africa?
A bullet vibrator or wearable couples vibrator is the most popular starting point. They are affordable, easy to use, and versatile enough to incorporate into foreplay or sex. For couples who are hesitant about diving straight in, a lubricant is actually the lowest-pressure place to begin. Browse the full range of couples toys at My Sex Shop — everything ships discreetly anywhere in South Africa.
How do I bring up sex toys without making it awkward?
Timing and framing make all the difference. Raise it during a relaxed, comfortable moment rather than mid-argument or right before sex. Use curious, open-ended language rather than suggesting something is missing. Browsing an online adult store together is also a low-pressure way to start the conversation naturally — it turns the topic into something you are doing together rather than one person asking of the other.
Is it normal for only one partner to be interested in sex toys?
Yes, completely. In most couples, one person tends to initiate the conversation. If your partner is hesitant, do not push — give them time and revisit the topic gently. In many cases, hesitation comes from unfamiliarity or a worry about insecurity rather than a firm objection. Keeping the conversation open and non-pressured usually leads to genuine curiosity over time.
Are sex toys safe to use as a couple?
Yes, provided you choose toys made from body-safe materials such as medical-grade silicone, ABS plastic, or stainless steel. Always read the care instructions, clean your toys before and after use, and use a compatible lubricant — water-based lubricants work with all toy materials. Buying from a reputable SA adult store ensures you are getting properly manufactured products, not cheap imitations with unknown materials.
How do I shop for sex toys privately in South Africa?
My Sex Shop delivers across South Africa in completely discreet packaging. Your parcel looks like any standard online order, and the billing on your bank statement appears under a neutral name — not the store name. Browse the full range from the privacy of your home at mysexshop.co.za.
Introducing sex toys into your relationship is less about the toy and more about the conversation it starts. When couples approach it with openness, a bit of humour, and genuine curiosity about each other's pleasure, it almost always brings them closer together.
Ready to explore? Browse the couples sex toys range at My Sex Shop — every order ships in discreet packaging with no indication of what is inside. Not sure where to start? The gift boxes for couples are always a popular first pick.
